


His Siren Song

by QuillHeart



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Gen, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, POV First Person - Jigen, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Thief Hubbies, sweet romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-01-18 22:54:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12397938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuillHeart/pseuds/QuillHeart
Summary: Early on in their relationship, Lupin takes Jigen on vacation with him to a cabin in the Swiss Alps. There, the two men spend a few summer weeks together, and the hints of something deeper between them gets its chance to blossom.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I figured you guys needed something happy after all the things I've been posting lately. x
> 
> This is also my first attempt at a romance for the sake of romance, so...??
> 
> Note: Explicit stuff starts in Ch. 6.

My boss.  He was my boss, wasn’t he?

So why was I letting myself feel this way?

The little yellow Fiat wove up the mountain roads, revealing vista after vista under an azure sky growing ever thinner.  Lupin, said boss, was driving—enjoying the fruits of his hobby as a car enthusiast and yet delivering a smooth, easy ride to the two of us.  But perhaps it was that very enthusiasm that prioritized an easygoing journey rather than a white-knuckled one…which I’d half expected from him, given the hours of switchback ascension in a car that could be described as “zippy, fun, and which turns on a dime.” 

And then there was me.  Just sitting in the passenger’s seat gazing out the window, no money or home to my name except for what he gave me, taking up space next to this incredibly wealthy superstar of the underworld.  As a bodyguard, the fact that he was a filthy-rich celebrity deep into the illicit was not unusual for me, either with those nouns put together or used separately.  Neither was the fact that he regularly came up with crazy schemes I had to deal with, one way or another.

No, what was odd about him was that he was a man who kept all his motives to himself, and that, despite that, I had a crush on him that was bad enough that my mouth watered when I thought about acting on it.

And so here I was, gazing out the window, occasionally glancing at the man’s hand on the rounded head of the center-console gear shift and wondering what it would feel like for that hand to wander over to my thigh, sliding up and down appreciatively.

I swallowed hard and forced myself to look outside again.  The dry Mediterranean view went by, adorned by mountain peaks and sparkling sea to the tune of wheels and motors.

It was notable that, while Lupin was my employer, he was younger than me as well.  Not by a large number of years, but just enough to constantly throw into relief the fact that there _was_ a difference.  Sometimes he’d seem far too put together and skilled and I’d get a stab of jealousy right to the heart; sometimes he’d seem incredibly inexperienced about life and I’d just shake my head.  Half your age plus seven, that was the formula for dating, right?  He wasn’t below that number, but he was close.  Close enough to make me side-eye the whole thing when I was in my right mind, which lately, wasn’t often. 

Lupin himself could be described as someone with a magnetic personality; he was free-spirited in a way that made you question whether he truly belonged on the earth.  Like any muse, he was whimsical and positive, but if you crossed him—and you would never know exactly where that line was—he’d turn dark and vengeful as a raging thunderstorm, like any creature of the fey.

And I was…what to him?  Just the footnote mortal?

I liked to think I was worth more than that, on days when I was sober and nights when I wasn’t drinking too much. But in the end, we were…just a man and his bodyguard, right?  On paper?

 _Hah, on paper, yeah._ But Lupin was never one to do things by the book.

And the way he smiled at me lately, when he caught me looking….

I snorted and gave myself a mental slap to the face.  The car slowed on approach to a hairpin U-turn, then demanded of its torque to brave the next section of hill.  He downshifted first, then upshifted after, and all the while I watched it—his hands, the play of his legs; the concentration in his eyes. 

I mentally slapped myself again and visibly shook my head out.

It wasn’t professional to have a crush on your boss.  At all.  Not to mention dangerous for both him and me.  But he somehow made it feel like everything would be all right, when he smiled at me.

But then again, he smiled that way for everyone, didn’t he?...

I thought about it for a second, then frowned.  His damn smiles.  They glittered, they cut, they chilled, they melted, they welcomed, they adored.  He was a beast.  Definitely not something to trifle with.

And yet… I wanted them to look at me, while his hands ran up my body.  Wanted to know what an intimate moment felt like, under that fiercely intelligent gaze and a full moon.

I licked my lips, dry and cracking. 

Officially, we were “ _on_ _vacation_.”

I’d thought he was going to bring a cadre of people, as usual.  But unless they met us there, it looked like that wasn’t going to be the case.

And that was what worried me.

Because I had yet to figure out if my muse was going to make good on all those charming smiles in love or in blood.

Truth be told, I didn’t have much choice in the matter.  Whether he came up here to shoot me, love me, or genuinely for want of fishing—or possibly all three—what was I gonna do about it?  I had a gun, but so did he.  Along with a key to every room and the knowledge of the lay of the land.

_So if I really am the innocent mortal here…_

The sweeping view of the steep, sunny mountain valley abruptly disappeared in favor of thick alpine trees, casting us into deep shadows and suddenly dropping the temperature in the car. 

… _I’m gonna have to be smart about my moves from here on out._

Lupin hummed, his fingers flexing. I glanced over, suspecting it was a summons, and a smirk indeed grew on Lupin’s face as he started drumming his fingertips on the gearshift.

“You wanna stop and get lunch?  I know a little place up the road, at the lookout point.”

He threw me a glance and when our eyes met, his turned smoky. 

I rolled my eyes and quickly looked away, hiding my mouth in my hand as my elbow rested on the windowsill.  “S-sure, I could eat.  Whatever’s fine.”

_Smart, huh…you’re in goddamned trouble, Ji-man._

But it didn’t hurt; and that was the weird thing, wasn’t it?  He’d look over every once in a while when he could spare it and then just _beam_ —and all my cares would evaporate.  He’d start up a conversation, a toothy grin with glittering eyes attached to it, that was either because he caught me watching or because he just enjoyed _watching_ _me_ , and this time was no different. 

Moreover, sometimes this display was punctuated by a genuinely boyish laugh, a delight at something or another—just life in general, I guess—which was, unfortunately, another of his refreshing traits that tugged at my heartstrings every time he did it.

A sign I couldn’t read came up along the road, sporting a fat, jaunty arrow and spoon-and-fork symbol that pointed to a detour.  I sighed, but it was mostly lost in the sound of the car down shifting.

Lupin, for his part, picked up on my exhale and started twittering about the history of the place and how much I was going to like it.

And that…made me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.

I grumbled and crossed my arms, sinking further down into the seat.

_You idiot, why are you letting yourself feel this way about him?  You know there’s nowhere good this can go…_

Lupin, for his part, glanced over at me, but wasn’t deterred.  He just smiled and drove and played with his damnably dexterous fingers where I could see them, ever delighting in the day.

* * *

 

Lupin was right that I’d like this place.  It was basically the Italian version of a tiki cabana, just perched on a cliff instead of a beach.   I had to take my hat off to keep it from blowing away, and when I slicked my hair back and tied it in a ponytail, Lupin’s eyes glittered in a way that made me wonder if he hadn’t picked this spot anticipating that.

But in the grand scheme of things, I didn’t mind, because the meal was authentic enough to quickly take my mind away from my troubles.  Perhaps a little too authentic—I could feel my arteries clogging with butter already.

Not that it wasn’t good, mind.  It was delicious, and the two of us had barely spoken in the last half hour for wont of scarfing it down.

Once we’d gotten down to the point of picking at what remained, I gazed off the balcony, chin in hand.  We were on a wooden deck that sat on an overhang, giving a rather godly view of the valley below, and, far in the distance, a slip of pale blue shoreline between the peaks.  It was the sort of place, full of terraced hills and tall pines, that you heard about in two-thousand-year-old myths, and we had it all to ourselves, since this was the off season on a back road that only locals knew.

“Whatcha thiiiinkin’ ‘bout?” Lupin asked, words skipped along his tongue.  He stood up and came by my head, leaning down near my face to follow my gaze like a scope on a gun.  Those dexterous hands of his came near, splaying forward on the old varnish of the table, but never quite touching mine.

“Achilles,” I said once I pulled myself away from that display, since it was the first answer to pop into my head.  I put a hand on his face and gently pushed him away, and he chuckled, easily complying.

“This is the wrong country for that,” he noted lightly, going back to his seat.

“I know that.” Under the table, I flexed my hand, working the feeling of his skin out of mine.  “The topography’s similar, though.  So is the heat.  God, I’m glad we’re going up into the mountains.”

“Not a beach bum, huh?” Lupin bit down a quaint smile as he sat back in his chair.  He put his chin on the back of his thin-fingered hands and gazed out toward the view.  A few birds floated in the distance, sending out their calls as they soared above the valley floor.  The look in his eyes was dreamy as the wind gently rippled through his hair, and I watched as that tone quickly took over his whole body.

_A pretty young man, in the light of a beautiful, exotic place where no one knows us, taking me to lunch with the top button of his shirt undone…._

 “This is nice,” he admitted with a sigh.

_Pretty easy to forget he’s your boss—_

And then he looked at me, dark blue eyes glittering.

I swallowed hard and dipped my head down, wishing I had my hat to cover my face.  “You have good taste,” I muttered.

“Oh?”

“Don’t fish for compliments.”

“Ohhhh?”

Lupin was still giggling when I got up to steal his car keys.

Unfortunately, it’s awfully hard to pickpocket a thief, especially when he sees you coming.

“Just have fun, yojimbo-san,” he advised, holding them far out of reach.  “That’s what we’re here for.”

_Fun?  I’m on the job, protecting you from this cliff!_

He chuckled and twirled the keys around his finger as he walked inside toward the counter, hips swaying more than they should have as he hummed a tune to himself.  “C’mon, let me buy you a beer for the road, _mon ami_.  There should be just enough time for you to finish it.”

_Mon Ami?  I’m not your friend, I’m your subordinate.  You pay me to be here!_

Still, I _was_ going to need a stiff drink to stop thinking about that giggle and those hips.

Especially when he did some fancy footwork to his song and twirled himself right out the front door.

 

* * *

 

By evening we’d arrived at the cabin, by twilight we’d put away the groceries, and by moonrise Lupin had opened the place up from its long slumber and I’d brought in wood for a fire. 

At the moment, the stars sparkled above us beyond the roof, while Lupin read on the couch and I sat there just staring at the fireplace, mulling over the design of the days to come.  It’d be a lot of work to protect him, given the wooded terrain, if someone decided to cause us trouble.

Yet for now, the hearth crackled like something out of a postcard, its light low and noises soft.  A few coals shifted as I watched, sending up a whirl of golden ash.  The amber glow was warm before me, while the night at my back was dark and cold. 

And next to me, Lupin read.

If you’ve never watched Lupin the Third read, it is something to behold.  He was a strategy man, so reading looked beautiful on him the way physical exertion did on other men. 

And for Lupin in particular, this display of intellect came in two flavors: relaxed or intense.  The former was serene and involved him draping over some reclining piece of furniture or another like a figure in a Classical painting.  The latter involved an accusatory scrutiny, his mind gripped by the knowledge within the pages to the point that his hands would tighten around the binding, his breath would shorten, and his eyes would bore into the text like a travesty was unfolding there—all the while long, dark lashes framed his piercing eyes as they swept from side to side.

It was incredible, in a way, to watch the epiphanies go off in his mind; they soaked through to reality and lit up his body.  It was no exaggeration to say that the world he imagined often bled into the air around him with particular force.

Tonight, though, his mind appeared to be unlocking no great puzzle; with a lazy smirk, he was casually reading the manual of a misfortunate machine whose parts lay spread across the floor.  After neatly arranging each piece and staring at it for a while, hands on his hips in a way that gave me a delicatessen view of his backside, he’d shrugged and come up onto the couch to sit beside me.

That was some time ago, and ever since then I’d been nearly salivating at the idea of running my hands over those shoulders.  Of leaning into him, kissing the nape of his neck, and—

Ever so slowly, there was the telltale creak of shifting leather.  The weight beside me on the couch altered.

And then Lupin slid down against me, shoulder to shoulder.

It was like a falling broom handle had landed against me, I could see and hear it coming from so far ahead—as well as the electric jolt it sent through me.  However, when he landed, it was accompanied by a longing sigh.

 _From him_.

I tightened up to hold his weight but didn’t push him off.  I twitched though, knee-jerk, because I knew:

He was testing me. 

A fireplace in front of us, robotics strewn around, after dinner on a quiet night with just the two of us.  It didn’t take much to tell what this test was inquiring about.

And yet, somewhere deep down, I had hope that the reason behind it was positively motivated.

Admittedly, It was a feeble hope; criminal bosses didn’t try to ferret out their gays for any good reason.  But I was a man of feeble dreams, when it came to things like this.  I would fall into the hole every time if there was even the faintest hope of another’s attentions going somewhere.

But in all honestly, Lupin…  His fondness felt _real_ , whenever his attention strayed near.

So instead of pushing him away, I decided to accept his gentle coaxing no matter how far into hell it may lead me—because I wanted to believe that he held a key to the promised land.

After a bit, when he wasn’t rebuffed, Lupin’s head rested against my shoulder with a sigh, and I still didn’t push him off.

I just listened to his breathing, felt the curve of his lithe body around mine, and all in all tried not to admit how much I liked his weight against me—and the smell of his cologne around me.

Eventually, as the night went on, I wrapped my arm around his side, and he didn’t push me away, either.  He just smiled softly, down into his book, and said:

“This is nice.”


	2. Chapter 2

Fishing was an experience.  All we had to do was hop down to the lake—I could see the fish from the kitchen sink—but instead, Lupin had me trekking through a dirt path in the woods early one morning, dappled sunlight shimmering down from overhead until it covered everything in a mottled pattern of light and dark, including us. 

“Just a little farther ahead now,” Lupin had said, carrying the wicker basket of lunch supplies ahead of me.  I’d gotten pole duty; they were folded up in a duffle bag.  We’d gone down and down into the valley for nearly an hour and every once in a while, Lupin would whistle a birdsong to match what he’d heard or start up a conversation about the area, smiling at me over his shoulder.  Unusually for him, he was wearing a simple, leaf-green cotton shirt, which highlighted his lean shape and nicely contrasted his dark hair.

It was nice, this.  He hadn’t been wrong, the other night.  Too bad he hadn’t done anything more than just rest on me for a while.  It rather confused me; he was usually so bold about whom he hit on—

“Ah hah!”

Suddenly, I heard a staticky noise up ahead.  One that just kept getting louder, that he disappeared into around the trail’s curve.

“I _thought_ it was around this bend!”

I jogged to catch him, and then all of a sudden, just as I was about to call his name, something hit my face.

It was mist. Flowing onto the trail like a gossamer curtain.

Maybe fifty feet ahead of us, there was a thin waterfall about thirty feet high drifting into a natural pool of cobalt blue.  The basin was wide enough that a clearing about the size of a small house emerged from the trees, and in the sunlit mist that fluttered down, there were numerous rainbows.

“Heh…” I said.  It just bubbled out of me.

Lupin gave me a wry but happy look momentarily, and then went back to admiring the view from where he stood next to me, hands on slender hips.  “Pretty good, huh?”

 “Yeah.”  I took a moment to let out a low whistle and then ribbed him in the arm.  “Never would have taken you for a hiker.”

“Ah,” he said, swatting my hand away with a laugh, “I’m an explorer at heart, you know that.”

“I—”

…suppose I did.

He giggled conspiratorily and headed off.  Lupin, who’d come in board shorts and waterproof sandals (it’d been an easy trail), took off his shirt and waded into the water, up to his knees.   “Ahhhh, it’s so collllld, I love it.  That’s how you know it’s fresh!”

After the image of his lithe but rippling back muscles left my mind, I looked up at the falls, then at him.  He stood with his head tilted back, his eyes closed, and his teeth pearly as he grinned. 

…And then I started imagining him all wet under the spray in those white shorts of his, like some sort of soap god commercial.

I chuckled and looked off, rubbing at my beard.

“Kinda makes you recognize what Goemon sees in it all,” Lupin trilled as he turned around waded out.

“True,” I agreed, considering pulling off my shoes and joining him.  “But it’s not a very good place to fish.”  The disturbed water aerated the pool, but it was agitated enough overall that no fish would just hang out there ready to bite your lure.  Plus, it looked like a spring coming out of the rock; there hadn’t been a river above us when we’d come down.

“Ah, _mon fr_ _ére,_ this is the _swimming_ spot.  The fishing spot is down further.  See?”  He pointed away from the falls without even looking.  It accentuated his back muscles nicely.

I turned my head with some effort.  Indeed, there was a creek meandering its way through the woods, with a fair number of large, slab-style boulders that created ideal fishing stands and calm pools. 

How had I not noticed that?

“Think fast.”

Just as I turned, water splashed into my face.  Just a flicker, not a bucket, but it was enough to startle me.

Lupin just laughed.

I growled at him and reached for my hat, leg on a rock as I readied to wade in after him.  “All right, that’s it.  You’ve asked for it.”

My boss, apparently so amused that he lost the ability to speak coherently, only giggled maniacally in the sunlight in response.

He waded further out into the pool until his bottom half was submerged, then sunk down until just his head was above the water.  “Come and get me, Dread Pirate JIgen!  I’ll never go without a fight!” he called.

“I was thinking you were the inland mermaid,” I admitted coolly, taking my time to see if he would take the bait while I found a suitably protected space for my hat and tossed my shirt nearby.  I pulled off my shoes one by one, tucked the socks in them, and then turned to him, hands on my hips and shoulders pushed back.

Lupin looked me over, eyes lingering on my hair and then—after an appreciative track down my torso—my waist.  “I could get with that,” he admitted with a coy shrug as he floated.   “If you do the voice.”

I raised my eyebrows at him—then held my hand up and announced, “YARRR, there be pirates in these woods mateys, come to steal ya treashah.”

He chuckled and, after a moment of consideration while I reeled from embarrassment at myself, swam over.  Long strokes gracefully parted the water.

“And what is this strange creature I see, intruding on my island home?” Lupin asked, coming to the rocks near my feet and resting on them.  His voice was pitched up, sounding fairly feminine, but somehow still a bit sultry.

All the crazy things he did with his voice, they never ceased to amaze me…and get my blood flowing southward.

“And what—” Lupin continued, coming to the edge and then pointing upward, “Is this fancy thing?”

He was pointing at my belt buckle.  In a moment, his fingers walked over my bare foot and tugged at the hem of my pant leg. 

“Does it come off?” he asked, eyebrow ticking up with a smirk.

My breath caught in my throat as I looked down at him.  But he just continued to look up at me, bemused and innocent.

_This can’t end well._

It was like an icy hand had gripped my heart.

“You’ve seen me naked.”

_He’s too young for this._

“I know,” Lupin said, smiling easily as he rested his chin on the back of his folded arms. 

_He’s just paying you to be here…._

“But never from this angle.”

_To play with him…._

He raised his eyebrows suggestively and waited.

_This is just a test to ferret you out._

_…Isn’t it?_

As I stared down at him, frown turning hard, Lupin’s smile slowly faded away.  And it made me feel terrible, like kicking a puppy.

_Or is it…something simpler than that?_

“Jigen,” Lupin said softly.  “It’s okay, you don’t have to.”

_And if it is…is this a chance I want to lose?_

As we looked at each other, a little pang hit my heart, evaporating the cold vice and elucidating the answer like a ray of sunshine:

_No… You can’t go through life thinking everyone’s trying to hurt you.  This is a good thing. …Potentially._

_Probably._

_But more importantly…_

Lupin’s eyes gazed up at me, oddly big.

_This is a memory I want to have, no matter what happens._

_One I want to be a happy one._

My heart was racing, but I forced myself to shrug at it all.  I sloughed off my pants and gun belt, until I was down to my boxers.  I neatly folded my slacks and set everything with my other clothes, into the basket that would eventually store fish.  Then, with Lupin watching, I sat down on the bank in front of him, legs crossed.

He gave me a curious and cautious look; I sat forward, hands on my knees.  “A man does not just get into a pool with a mermaid,” I said, pulling the accent back on.  “Er…merman.  First, ye must answer me these questions three.”

Lupin half smiled and half frowned at me, nonplussed, but then shrugged, willing to play ball.  He tilted his head and narrowed one eye theatrically. “…Aye?”

“Firstly: What be ye intentions with me in these waterrrs?”

 Lupin frowned.

“Ye be about to drown me and eat me bones?”

A giggle bubbled up out of my audience. 

“Boil me alive with all me sailors?”

“Hardly!” Lupin announced, smacking at the rock.  “You trespass on my pool and now you insult my honor!  I challenge thee to a duel!”

“What sorts of duels to mermen have?”

Lupin took a breath, but then no words came out of him.  He just looked up at the sky and chuckled.    “Hehhh… Haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

“Fishing, maybe?” I hinted.

“FISHING!” he announced.

I smiled, amused, and for a minute just let that linger, savoring the moment.  Lupin smiled back at me, cutely.

I’d never had a boss be _cute_ before…

“And lastly…” I said, causing him to perk up alertly.

…It was doing nothing to help quash that little flame in my chest.

“Yes?” he asked eagerly, drawing forward.

I leaned in until my face was inches from his, getting on my hands and knees smoothly while he was distracted.  “You ready?” I rumbled.

“For wh—”

“Battle!”

I launched myself forward, grabbing onto him as I jumped into the pool.

It was way, way too cold, but when we were done laughing and splashing and throwing pine cones at each other, Lupin didn’t mind huddling for warmth on the rocks.

What with the birds and the rainbows, surrounded by ferns poking out of the sides of waterfalls, I had to admit that it was a pretty good date spot.

* * *

 

Eventually, we did sit on the boulders further downstream, back to back, and fish (while talking like pirates the entire time).  Sunbathing in the woods at its finest, that.

But by afternoon we were cold and hungry and our basket of fish was full.  Back at the house, I helped Lupin gut the catch while he cooked them, and after dinner, we ended up camped out in front of the fireplace again, bellies full.

“That was fun, today,” I said, handing him a glass of wine and sitting down next to him on the rug.

“It was, wasn’t it?” Lupin agreed, yawning.  He reached his arms up to stretch, and then, when the yawn was done, draped onto my side, as he’d been doing every night since we’d come here.

 _What are you doing, Jigen_ , a little voice said at the back of my mind, as I accepted his warmth against my arm and neck.  _You know this won’t last._

He was light and kind.  He smelled nice, too.  Some sort of French thing, simple and sweet.  I was coming to enjoy having it grace my evenings, whatever it was, to the point that I mourned it slightly if I didn’t have it.

But perhaps that was part of his plan.

That first night had been a week ago.  Yet he’d never taken it further.  He didn’t do anything more than this tender lean and always explained it off somehow when he inevitably stood up and went to bed alone.

But this time… This time, for some reason, he decided it was time for his head to go down instead of up.

“Do you mind?” he asked—the usual—and leaned into me.

“Nn, it’s fine, you lazy bum,” I muttered back—also a variation of the usual.

“No good pillows here.”—A typical excuse, followed by the now-familiar drape of his head that I’d come to enjoy so much.

“Mm.”  Not long after this assent of mine, my boss simply made a murmur and slid off my shoulder, down my front, and settled his head onto my knees.

“ _Ngh_ —?!” I nearly jumped like I was on fire, but Lupin seemed to anticipate this, because he rode it out without complaint, and then wrapped his arms sleepily around my legs.  “Good pillow,” he muttered sleepily. And then he closed his eyes.

 _Closed his eyes._   He was turned away from me, his eyes shut.  Wine glass sitting a few feet away on the coffee table, he’d just set his head on his bodyguard’s lap and—

 _Oh._   Maybe _that_ was it: Maybe it wasn’t that it was two dudes and this was a test of my proclivities.  Maybe it was that I was his guard dog and in peace time, he felt I was his lap dog.  Maybe it was _that_ kind of test—the _how much do I own you_ , test.  New bosses loved pulling that on me.

“I’m not one of your women, you know,” I grumbled, a little more angrily than I would have liked, hand balancing the full wine glass in the air.

“I know,” he replied lightly, eyes still closed.  “I wouldn’t be doing this, if you were.”

“…What do you mean by that?” I asked suspiciously, taking a moment to set my own glass down on the nearby end table. “...Boss?”

“What do you think it means?” Lupin cracked open a dark eye to leer up at me.

“Ugh.”  I would have shoved him by the face, if his face had somewhere to go other than my crotch.

Lupin smiled momentarily at my disgust, but it was quickly replaced by melancholy as he stared at the fireplace.

“I trust you, Jigen.”  He yawned and closed his eyes again, snuggling up.  “I want you to trust me too.”

_Trust…you?_

It wasn’t something I was really comfortable with; I would be stupid to be.  There was no one you could trust in this business, especially no one who specifically asked for it.

And yet, here I was, with my boss’s head in my lap as he curled up into a ball.  My younger _male_ boss’s.

“And how many times have I told you? It’s ‘Lupin,’ not ‘Boss.’”

There was no heat to his words.  But after a moment of silence that followed, he picked up my hand and placed it on his head.  “You’re among friends here, gunslinger.”

His scalp was hard under my palm.  But his feathered haircut was soft between my fingers.

And his pulse…was thick and fast, as my hand slid down to rest on the side of his neck.

“Now I hope you don’t mind,” he continued airily, “but I’ve found a spot I like and am claiming it for my own.”

He wiggled into the couch groove (and my lap) and yawned.

_Maybe this is just a test of loyalty…_

…From my male boss, whose guard was completely down despite just doing an unspeakable act.  An act he absolutely must have known people had gotten killed for in the past, and would be again.

_But maybe…just maybe…_

As the minutes passed by, the fireplace popped and hissed; its embers burned and glowed.  The air outside was still, and far above, I was sure the stars would still be shining, no matter what I did.

So after a while, I lifted my hand and began to stroke his hair.  He hummed and smiled gently, eyes still closed.

_…I don’t have to be afraid, even if it is._

My boss had just done an “unspeakable” act.  One I’d always wanted to feel the warmth of.

 _No wonder you don’t fit in anywhere,_ I thought down at him as he tucked his legs up a little closer to his chest.

_Just like me._


	3. Chapter 3

The summer sky that lived above the cabin and its woods was strikingly blue.  A vivacious, humbling blue that could inspire both wonder and joy.  Clouds hung in it like cotton candy, happy little islands floating in the heavenly sea.

But today, I was staring down at the earth.

“What’er you doing?” I asked, hands in my pockets.

“Gardening.”

Lupin was lying on the ground, on his back, his hands behind his head.  Indeed, the dirt in the flowerbed just north of him was disturbed, and there was a dirty spade abandoned near his right hand.

And his eyes, as he looked up at the sky with an inventor’s gaze, reflected the gods’ sheep in their lovely field of azure. 

I looked over the length of him—tall and skinny, his smooth and youthful skin already darkened by a tan despite the early month, and all of it fit into tight work jeans and a charcoal grey T-shirt perhaps just to have someone gaze at it—and then nudged his foot with my own.  “Doesn’t look like much is gettin’ done,” I ribbed with a short smirk.

“On the contrary my dear Watson, the flower bulbs are in,” my boss said, smirking to himself and pointing lazily from where his hands rested beneath his head—via one finger uncurling toward the bed. 

That bed _did_ look nice and smooth.  Next to him, however, near the spade, was a set of onion bulbs, still in their bag, little green tips poking out optimistically.

“Uh-huh,” I replied.  “Sure.”

“Hey, breaks are an integral part of work.”  Lupin flopped his head over to look at me, and then held up an arm.  “Come ‘break’ with me.”

It wasn’t a request, but there was a hint of hopefulness to his voice, like he thought I might not accept.  But I wasn’t in the habit of disappointing my employers, even _with_ unusual requests.

I looked around, a residual habit of the job, then shrugged.  The grass was dry and I was only in jeans and a black button-up anyway.  I made my way down into the grass beside him and then, crossing my feet at the ankles, leaned back on my forearms. 

“Sure is a nice day,” I remarked.

“Sure is.”

The view of the lake from here was beautiful.  A cobalt disk shining with daylight’s glimmer, the water was in a basin surrounded by forest, with high hills to most sides.  I wasn’t crazy about that for sniper purposes—I’d rather the cabin be on one of those ridges—but at least the hills were too far away to shoot from (I’d checked).  People could see us from up there, but they couldn’t hurt us—if anyone was even around.  This place was extremely remote, at least an hour’s drive from any town, and up a winding forest road at that. 

Sometimes I liked that fact, and sometimes I didn’t.  It required far too much planning for food and bullets.  Today, though, it was sunny and warm and we were far away from the rest of the world.  Lupin planting crops was a little optimistic, but as he’d pointed out at breakfast, “they’ll keep, even if I only come back years from now.”

At the moment, I found the clouds drifting overhead, as if to keep the company of the birds and the trees.  The lake made a clearing under the sky of course, but the log cabin had a sizeable area of flat, open land around it for gardens and fire-safety purposes.  It was a nice place; definitely befitting the leader of a wealthy outfit, though luckily not as ostentatious as most.  Really, it was the kind of day that made you have not a care in the world, save for being in it for as long as the sun would allow. 

Which was something, wasn’t it?  Why on Earth was _I_ here?  There was no need for a bodyguard at all, and Lupin wasn’t planning a heist either, it seemed.

Lupin had in fact invited me, as in, said “I’m taking a vacation here and I want you to come with.”

He was paying me for my time in the form of an annual salary and a cut of whatever I helped him steal, so it wasn’t like either of us were watching the clock here.  And yet, this felt more like a vacation for me too, though he hadn’t said as much.  I expected there’d be others here, at the time of the command, but there weren’t.  It was just…us.

It wasn’t like bosses hadn’t bought me actual vacations for a job well done before.  They just always involved either casinos or hookers or both, which was always awkward and ended up with a lot of drinking for me.

And as for the bosses going on vacation, they tended to be family men, and so it was always watching people’s kids—or giving them a talking-to when they tried to get away from their security detail.

But working with Lupin wasn’t any of those things.  He was a young boss without a family, which was odd enough, but he made social calls infrequently and almost never invited anyone over to his many houses around the world.  He had no daylight life, so to speak, so there were a lot fewer pretenses of his to keep up that I had to watch over.  For him, there was no keeping up with the Jones’s.

And that was a nice thing about working for Lupin: he made a point of living his life, and he invited me to live it with him.

So was that it?  He just wanted me to see…what living was like?

That was certainly not the norm among criminal bosses; in fact, it was so odd for a boss to care about his hired subordinates in that way that I still second-guessed it often whenever I noticed it.  It wasn’t daily anymore, but I still wandered around my weeks with him acknowledging with some awe how much nicer things were than any job before had been—and yet, somehow also more interesting.

With Lupin, things were certainly colorful, but they just weren’t a constant _trial_ the way they’d always been before.

But that still made me wonder: What was all this?  These lazy days in the mountains, away from the world, with just the two of us?

One could make the argument that he was just lonely, but I had a feeling it was far more than that.

The feeling that he was testing me, pulling me into a trap, had fallen away after that night in front of the fireplace, and then again after the fishing incident.  So now…what _was_ this, exactly? 

Did we have a romantic relationship?  And if so, why hadn’t he kissed me yet?  He could barely keep his hands _off_ of women….

“Jigen.”

“Mn.”

“…Lie down.”

I looked at my youthful boss lying in the greenery, and he looked at me, unflinchingly—clover flowers reaching toward the sky around his face the way starlight reached down to earth.  The edges of his lips quirked up, and I looked away with a grunt.

But that soft look in his eyes, as they reflected the sky…

Regardless of why he hadn’t kissed me, what did I want this to become after he _did_?

I huffed and put my head to the grass, my hands folded on my abs—after adjusting my hat, of course.

“I like watching the clouds,” Lupin announced after a few minutes of tense silence on my part.

We were lying more or less at a thirty degree angle—in other words, like an A frame, joined at the head.  I could see a little of his torso at the lower corner of my vision and not much else.  I didn’t think he was looking at me, from the way his body was situated, and the sound had traveled. His visible limbs seemed relaxed, but his voice wasn’t.

“There’s just something about it that makes me feel good,” he finished.

Ah, here it was.  This was most certainly a prelude to something.  I waited, wondering what flavor it’d be.

Though oddly enough, I had a feeling that I knew.  If I just stopped thinking about myself for a second, I knew what that tone of voice meant. 

He was looking for acceptance, of a trait too gentle to show in the underworld.  I’d heard it a lot from bosses’ errant teens, after I’d caught them doing something for attention.

If this was test…this was one I could pass, if I just allowed myself to turn away from the machisimo, so carefully ingrained from the start of this career of mine.  But Lupin and his world were far from typical, so maybe I could take a moment to indulge in the parts of me that’d never been right for that scene, too.

“Me too,” I answered after a bit.  “Helps the mind settle, and the heart slow.”

I’d gone to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens a lot as a kid, and continued even now when I was in the City.  A long time ago, I’d lay in the grass and watch the world go by as other kids tripped over me in their play; now, I just did it from benches, and people were smart enough to give me a wide berth so I could feed the birds and enjoy the flowers.

Lupin didn’t reply right away.  I liked that about him—I could see on his face _when_ he was thinking (which was almost always)—but, even though I wasn’t always sure _what_ he was thinking, I could usually feel out when something needed my reply or not, from the look on his face. 

So this time I waited, and sure enough, he added in a moment, “I find it inspires me.  It clarifies my thoughts like a siv.  But…you’re right: I think that’s why.  My heart settles down.”

Seemed I’d passed the test, whatever it was exactly.  I shrugged, gazing up at the heavenly popcorn balls.  “Li’l clouds like this, they’ve never hurt anybody.”

“Hm,” Lupin hummed, a grin spreading across his face by the sound of his voice.  “I like that.  The friends of the sky.”

I chuckled softly and turned my head to watch him.  His eyes looked upward with a fervency and genuine excitement I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen anyone have for anything other than power and money. 

But then, Lupin’s eyebrows quirked down.

“The moods of the sky…?” He murmured distantly.  “Moods….”

“Hm?”

“Nothing, nothing… Just thinking about an old heist. A riddle never solved.”  He shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face, before returning it to its spot as his pillow.

It was one of his favorite pastimes, thinking.  So I let him have what he needed, until:

“Hey, Lou.”

“…Yeah?”

I pointed upward.  “Does that cloud look like a rubber duck to you?” 

“A what?”

“Y’know…the ridiculous floaty toys they put in bathtubs for kids?”

“A what?  What the hell?”

“You…”   I pushed up on my elbow, staring down at him.  He was scowling back at me, like a puzzle that was affronting him.  I sighed and shook my head, laying back down.  “I totally forget how European you are sometimes.”

“Heh.  Should I be inzulted by zat?” he asked as I pulled my hat down over my eyes in embarrassment.  He threw in a stereotypical accent while he did it, just to rib me.

“N-no…” I protested. 

_Well, maybe, if you want to get all super ‘national-pride’ about it…._

Normally, his voice either held no accent at all—because he was good like that—or a slight unusual warble here and there, telltale of someone who’d grown up learning multiple languages all at once.  It wasn’t unpleasant; more endearingly unique than anything.

 “Hey, Jigen.”

“…Yeah?”

“Does that cloud look like a bear with a witch hat to you?” He pointed toward the right, long, thin fingers contrasted against the blue.

I watched his figure against that field of blue for far too long, and then:

“…Woah, it does!”

“Hee hee hee hee...”

“Hahaha, you clown.”

I wasn’t sure what this was, but did I need to?  I couldn’t remember another time I’d actually laughed, let alone on a job.

Well, not for happy reasons, anyway.

So perhaps I could just let it slide for now….

“Jigen?”

“Yeah?”

I turned to him, and he was already looking at me.  Our eyes met, and for a long time, he desperately looked like he wanted to say something.  I smiled at him, encouraging, and he quickly looked away, his eyes catching the sky again.

Once a cloud had passed through his eyes, Lupin finally opened his mouth, then shut it.  Licked his lips; swallowed.  The movement of his Adam’s apple was terribly kissable.  Did he know what that did to me, every damn time?

“…Thanks for coming out here with me,” he finally said.

“Oh…um.  Thanks for inviting me.  I’m enjoying it.”

Was that all it was going to be?  Ah, well.  I closed my eyes and turned my head back to the sky.  For a while I just listened to the breeze, cool and rustling through the nearby trees, and felt the sun warm my chest.  It was enough, I told myself.  Because I liked him, being around a happy him was enough. 

“Hey, uh, Jigen?”

“…Yeeees?”

“Do you…uh…want a pillow?  Cuz…my chest…is free.”

I cracked an eye open and glanced over at Lupin.  He was blushing feverishly and looking away.  “Heh.  Is _that_ what they call it these days, in France?” I joked.

“What?” he asked, mouth tipping down again.

“Nothing.”

“…Okay?”

Lupin’s voice was steadily shrinking into nothing.  “But…it _is_ a nice offer,” I admitted, taking pity on him.  “Might be a little more comfortable, truthfully.”

Lupin’s youthful face lit up like the sun above.  “…Yeah!”

Shaking my head a little inwardly, I brushed off my hair and rolled toward him.  Eventually, I leaned the back of my head on his lower ribs, in a groove that seemed like it was made for that very thing.  I propped my knees up, threaded my hands over my abs, and, as always, tipped my hat down. Now we were in a T shape, though Lupin’s nearby hand seemed to be unsure of where to put itself; it worried the grass rather than take up a natural resting position, which would have had it laying over me.

 “You can put that wherever you want,” I said, resting a hand over his.  “Just don’t touch my hat.”

He was silent for a few seconds, his fidgeting finally stopped.  But then he sucked in a tight breath and: “Fuck, now I really want to.”

Instead of reaching for my head, though, Lupin’s hand opened within mine, seeking to thread our fingers together.  I let him, and just let my hand—which was heavier than his—rest on the ground naturally, knuckles in the grass.

“I would give you the eye, but I’m _trying_ to enjoy this,” I stated.  Lupin giggled.  “Seriously though, it’s expensive.”

“I know.”

“You don’t just touch a man’s hat.”

“I know.  And hey…I’m a man.  I know it’s hard to tell sometimes, but—”

“I didn’t say that.”

Lupin tensed slightly and clamped his mouth shut.  I sighed and squeezed his hand.  His pulse was racing.

“Never had a boss let me do this before,” I mused after a moment, to break the silence.

When Lupin spoke again, it was soft, and free of fear: “That’s because I’m not just your boss.  I’m also your friend, I’d like to think.”

_My friend…_

“And something more?” I asked.

The clouds drifting above, and the grass shimmering below…

_A friend.  When was the last time I had one of those?  Especially one who didn’t end up shooting at me?_

From under my hat, I watched Lupin’s eyes widen; his breath hitched, though I could tell that he tried to hide it.  He licked his lips and swallowed audibly.  His fingers squeezed mine multiple times, nervously.

_Well…there’s nothing to say this one won’t end up that way too.  But I’d like to think he’d at least feel bad about it.  So for now…_

“If you want it,” Lupin whispered.

…This clean air, the wide blue summer sky, and his presence beside me in the cool breeze...

“I would like that.”

_…Maybe this is all I need._


	4. Chapter 4

The next day was filled with hiking.  Hiking here, trekking there.  I personally liked the outdoors, regardless of terrain, but this day and its travel up the Eastern ridge of the basin had been Lupin’s idea. 

He had a thing for standing on the edge of beautiful vistas—he often stopped in the middle of a heist to gaze out at the city lights, and on stakeouts, I’d find him sitting in windows more often than not, which always drove me crazy.

But that was one of the wonderful things about him, I had to admit: he saw beauty in unexpected places, and he looked alluring while he did it. Not only did this man work tirelessly to scale tall peaks, but once there, he took the time to appreciate what he found. 

Now, if I could just get him to do it without endangering anyone else….

But today at least, in this quiet country of forests and meadows, that wasn’t an issue.  We’d packed ridiculously fancy French-Italian lunches he’d cooked up when I was asleep and climbed to the top of a nearby overlook trail. 

I figured it was his way of paying me back for the fact that, after the garden and its soft-hearted discussion yesterday, Lupin had avoided me for the entire rest of the day.  He’d just disappeared into his room and hadn’t even looked me in the eye when he’d done it.  We didn’t eat dinner together, and my nightly connection to the couch had gone by alone.

Still, the way up the overlook trail this morning had taken my mind off of the strange turn of events by providing several distinct and eye-catching views from spots to rest tired legs.  However, with a view of the basin and the lake within it, the lush forest that surrounded both, and the curvature of the earth under a cloudless cobalt sky, the top was proving to be a heavenly vista with no equal. 

For a bit, we stood near the edge gazing out at the expanse, side by side, each lost in our own thoughts and sense of accomplishment as the wind pulsed up from below, whipping at our clothes.  But eventually, I’d become far too aware of Lupin’s presence next to me and just started staring at _him_ :

He stood with his hands on his hips, one leg forward on a lift of rock.  The wind buffeted what little slack in dark hair and bright clothing it could reach, but the smile on his face—and the daring look in his eye—would not be impeded.  With the view of blue and green and the arc of the earth behind his profile, it looked like he could jump right off and start flying.  In his jeans and royal-blue T-shirt, Lupin’s thin chest heaved with a deep, satisfied breath as he surveyed the distant, sweeping lands, and I had to restrain myself from embracing him then and there.

“Man, I’m beat!” he announced, turning his head to me suddenly. A smile rested upon his face: one of his more aggressive ones.  Eyes that shone with enthusiasm and a curve of lips that promised something wicked stared me down, until his eyebrows wiggled in tandem.  “Wanna stop and eat?”

I gazed at the precipice, then at the picnic table a little ways back, then at him.  There was something uneasy in his demeanor that I couldn’t quite decipher, and that little voice that whispered about gods and their mortals came back to me with force. 

But in the end, I _was_ hungry, and this was an epic spot for lunch.  Looking down, I forced myself to remember my promise to myself about making happy memories, and that helped unwind the knot in my stomach—as did the reassuring feeling of my gun on my hip.  So in the mountain air, breeze cool and sun warm, I took a breath and thought back on that moment in the garden from yesterday:

Of Lupin’s hand, so unsure that it wouldn’t even touch me until I told him it was okay…

I sighed and nodded.  That look of his probably wasn’t aggression _at_ me.  It was probably screwing up courage to bring something up _to_ me.  In other words, it was defensive.

But why would he be so afraid of _me_?  I was just the hired help; no one would believe anything I said about the matter.

“Sure,” I said, offering a thin smile back.

 “Great!” Lupin pronounced, practically skipping over to the picnic table with the backpack of supplies.

_Unless…?_

“I’ve got a great lunch packed that you’re really going to enjoy!”

As I watched him go, something about the eagerness of his movements struck me as nervous.

Was it possible…that he’d never _done_ this before?

The thought hit me as though the wind had swept me right off that cliff.

Was I the first man he’d ever tried to hit on?

And if so…what’d that _mean_?

 

“You make good meals,” I stated once we’d settled in, opening up the Japanese-style lunch box.  It was wooden and had a hinged lid; it looked homemade.  But more importantly, inside were sandwiches with spiced meats and fancy mustards, a little salad with seeds and nuts and more shades of green than I could name, a tangerine orange, and then a thermos of soup and a small bottle of some fancy drink.  And that was just lunch.  That didn’t include the trail mix, snacks, and other drinks he’d whipped up for the time along the route.

“Th-thank you,” Lupin muttered into his own set, blushing a little.

_Blushing._

Maybe I didn’t have anything to worry about, after all.  At least, of the mortal variety.  But if he really had no experience courting men, and was having this much trouble with it to boot, I was going to have to take the lead in a lot of places.  Which…was going to be a hurdle for me.  Or at least, something that required a lot of thought.  I wasn’t totally opposed to that, but it wasn’t exactly what I’d expected, either.  I wasn’t used to dating younger men.  Especially not ones so far in the closet.

“Where’d you learn to cook?” I asked, decided to take that first step in taking the lead.  I’d rarely seen him cook, but apparently, when left to his own devices with time to be domestic rather than plotting world-worthy heists, he was a whiz at it.

And I guess…there were worse things than a multi-talented partner.  A little flutter of pride prickled up in me, at the idea of being worthy of such a good catch.  And of being the person _he_ decided to trust to protect that talent.

“Oh…my grandfather.” Lupin looked up from his food and smiled, elbows on the picnic table as he brought the sandwich up to his face.  “He bought a winery and used it as a laundering front, but he really got into it after a while and just ended up being a vintner.  And y’know, part of that shtick is offering tours and serving meals that pair with your wines.”

“And he did it himself?” I asked, incredulous.

“Yeah, for a while, until the crowds got too big.  By the time I got into his life though, cooking was just something we did together in between him teaching me how to do thief stuff.”

Lupin smiled then, a tender thing.  But he soon looked down at the picnic table, where his smile fell away with a sigh.

“You miss ‘im?” I asked gently.  Normally I wouldn’t bother with my bosses, but I didn’t think he’d mind.  And furthermore, it felt like he could use the redirection, since all the heavenly chattering of birds didn’t seem to be doing the trick.

“Yeah,” Lupin said, and bit down into his sandwich.  He didn’t say anything else.

 _Dammit man,_ I grumbled at myself.  _Way to go.  Now he’s more sad._

“How…long ago was it?” I asked hesitantly, hoping to shore the misstep up.

Lupin looked thoughtful for a moment, poking an errant bit of curly kale into his mouth, then said, “About seven years.”

“Oh…”  That was before he was even twenty.  But that was a hell of a long time to still be that effected by it.  They must have been close.  “He passed away when you were quite young…?”

And on the heels of that thought came another one.  One I’d had before:

_Have you been alone all this time since?_

Lupin nodded.  He gazed at his sandwich, then out at the view beyond the trail without taking a bite from it.

 _Dammit, Jigen._  I wasn’t quite sure why I was talking so much, or so ineffectively.  Or why I even wanted to; normally it behooved me to say nothing and ask nothing unless a plan using my skills was being discussed.

But—

_“I’d like to think you’re my friend.”_

—Something about the forlorn tilt to his neck and shoulders…I wanted to _fix_ it.  Or at least, offer it something kind to lean on.  But this wasn’t something I was very good at, at least not when I had to initiate the offer and furthermore, with people I didn’t know very well.

But there came another question to my lips, too, as I looked over his wistful countenance: _Maybe he really is just lonely, and this ‘playing house’ business is the only way he knows how to simulate long-term affection._

 _Is that it?_ Could that be why he was constantly going back and forth about his interest in me? _Is he just using me because that’s all he knows how to do?_

“So why didn’t you…become a vintner, then?” I asked, a chill settling over me.  Looking at him—the typically flamboyant man in fancy suits against the backdrop of pristine sky and earth in nothing but a common cotton T-shirt—the fantasy of Lupin the Vintner seemed easy to picture.  Plus, most old mob guys were always waxing poetic about their scions going straight and being senators. So it seemed a prudent question to ask, to learn more about him and how to be there for him.

“You know…?” Lupin began thoughtfully.  He turned back to me, trimmed eyebrows pushing down, but lips quirking up on one side as he put his chin in his hand and tilted his head.  “He never taught me about making wine.”

“What?” I blurted, a chuckle bubbling out of me.  “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know, right?  He just said, ‘all a man could ever need from wine is a woman to share it with and the words that make you look smart at parties,’ so that’s what he taught me. ‘Just hire someone who knows what they’re talking about to handle the production; they’ll be happy for the chance to stretch their wings,’ was his advice about the winery operation itself.”  He sat back and laughed, shaking his head.   “Guess he figured thievery was the family business and that was just his hobby farm, so thievery was the secret clan knowledge worthy of being passed down, while wine vintages wasn’t.”  Lupin shrugged and, finally, took a ravenous bite of his sandwich.  “Mm…it’s good! I’ll have to remember this mustard recipe for next time…”

He offered one of his cherubic smiles as he chewed, a cheek round enough for an old lady to pinch.

Relieved that he was chipper again, I took in this display a bit before going back to my own meal.  “So you don’t want to do that instead of this?” I asked easily.

Lupin shook his head.  “Nah.  I’ve still got the place, and it makes a damn fine wine, but I’m not that pastoral.  I’ll probably retire there too someday with ‘my millions,’ but who knows, the Bahamas also have nice weather.”  He shrugged and added, “Right now, I’m at the stage of making my fortune, seeing the world, and finding love.  The winery doesn’t offer me any of that.” 

He punctuated this with a beaming smile, directed at me with extreme cheesiness. But when it fell away into a simple smile a few moments later, his eyes lingered with a fond glitter.

I knew exactly what that look was, and it made me both nervous with dread and elated with hope. 

And I waited expectantly, nodding my head just a little, a small smile gracing back at him. 

But in the whispering wind, instead of leaning in, Lupin quickly pulled back and gazed at the table.  “Well, anyway,” he went on, clearing his throat and chewing on his sandwich, a forlorn droop to his shoulders.

A pang hit me hard.  A little one that wanted to reach out and fix that sadness of his—or possibly shake him.

I knew what to do with that smile he’d shot me.  Did he not?  Was he really going to make _me_ be the one to do it? To _beg_ for it?

To hell with _that_.  But…

But well…

I took a deep breath as I watched him.  The thin shoulders, hunched in all alone on their side of the sunny table, a view of the entire bright world out behind them.

Maybe he really just didn’t know what he was doing?  Wasn’t confident enough in it?

The thought of his flittering hand from yesterday, so unsure of itself, and the way he’d run off afterward came to mind again.

So if that were the case…

I could always get another job, couldn’t I?  Maybe not in this work community but in another.  Maybe it wouldn’t be as nice, but it’d be there.  I’d survive, yeah? 

I gazed off at the cliff, which could very well be my doom if he wanted it to be.  At the lush horizon, and all of its potential.

I sighed.  I didn’t want to be the one just pining away forever this time.  I hadn’t realized it until this moment, but no: a simple touch that forever flittered in and away was not what I wanted.  It would not be enough, this time, not with this person. To simply be _near_ , but never _close_ ; to support, but never be supported back.

I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes.  I knew what needed to be done.  I just needed to be brave enough to capitalize on the moment...

I checked back at him, poking at his salad like the world was ending, then made up my mind, consequences be damned.  I had a gun and knew how to use it, and I was a quicker draw then him, so no matter how it shook out in the moment, I’d be fine.  Plus, for the time immediately after that, I had a set of car keys too, and more stamina to get off this mountain than he did.

“Hey,” I said in alarm, coming out of my seat a bit and pointing off the ridge.  “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Lupin asked, quickly turning in the direction I’d indicated.

I leaned in and grabbed the back of his neck—and then gave him a kiss on the cheek.

It was just a peck, over in half the time it took me to bridge the gap between us, but when I sat back in my seat, a self-satisfied smirk of pride scrawled across my face of its own accord, and I didn’t try very hard to bite it down.

 _Good job, self.  No one’s gonna accuse_ you _of being a sissy.  Even if it gets you canned._

Lupin, for his part, sputtered adorably and turned bright red, frozen in his seat after a nervous chirp.

I watched him carefully over my thermos, eyebrows raised in cool nonchalance.  A look that challenged, _What’re you gonna do about it, huh?_

And Lupin’s response, after a moment of delay:

Was to giggle madly, a grin of shock and awe splitting his face. “You sly devil!  _I_ was gonna do that!”

I made a point of raising my eyebrows and setting down my drink.  “You still can,” I offered, turning my cheek to him.

And there I waited, under the cloudless blue sky and warm summer sun.

Lupin took a deep, daunted breath.  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him gazing at the table like it would drown him.  He was sitting on the bench with his weight on his hands, and, seeing me look at him, he swallowed hard and then stared at _my_ nearer hand—the one not holding up my head—where it rested on the table. 

“You scared?” I egged, tapping those fingers.

“No!” he snapped back defensively, only to add a moment later, “Well maybe a little…?”

 _Don’t be,_ was what I wanted to say, but in truth, he had every reason to be.  As did I.  And given the way he was acting, maybe he was afraid that he wouldn’t like it, if he got the chance.

And with Lupin, that was definitely a possibility.  That it was all about the chase, and the moment it was offered freely, his interest would vanish.  Not to mention the question of whether or not he was really that interested in men.

But we were already this far along.  We couldn’t go back now, without at least attempting to answer the question.  It was one of those things: if we stopped the train now, it’d derail.  The only way to save it was to go down the mountain until the flats, where it could run off its steam.

So I simply hummed and faced him, resting my chin on the back of my hands.  “What’d you bring me here for, Lupin?”

His eyes flashed.

“This isn’t just a vacation, is it.”

He looked off, shoulders tense, but then sighed miserably and stared at his lap.

“Just you and me now,” I continued lightly.

He nodded.

“Up here.”

“Uh-huh…”

“All alone.”

“Yup.”

“Where no one can see us.”

He took a wavering breath and rocked in his seat a little.

“Was a good plan.  So do what you’re here to do, please.”

And then I closed my eyes.

_Whether you’re here to kill me or kiss me, just get it over with._

The sound of the wind.  The chirp of the birds.  The rustling of trees and leaves and not a single human footstep.

And then: a creaking.

I cracked one eye open.  He’d ever-so-slowly started leaning toward me.  There was a soft look in his eye, a look that I knew very well—until his eyes closed too.

And for the life of me, I couldn’t make myself look away.  I knew what it was.  And I knew I shouldn’t want it.  Shouldn’t accept it, for personal and professional reasons.

But I just leaned in too.

When he reached up to hold my face, I didn’t even think twice.  I simply wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly.

On top of the world, under that sweeping summer sky, was the first time we kissed.

I still didn’t know if I was going to regret it, but in those few fleeting minutes, I didn’t care.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fittingly, "They Live in You" from the Lion King musical (in German, no less) was a really good song to listen to while I edited this chapter. xD
> 
> #HappyValentine's

* * *

 

Lupin didn’t say much on the way down, but he was certainly smiling the whole way.  Sometimes satisfied, sometimes wry, sometimes cheerful—he was running the gamut of glee and so were his bouncy, billy-goat steps. 

Me…I allowed myself a quiet smile here and there, whenever the feeling of his eager lips against mine revived itself in the dappled sunlight. 

Or the feeling of his hands, coming up to grip my shoulders…  And the sound of his breathless little moans every few seconds, enticing me onward…

A bird chirped overhead, and I tilted my head up at it with a smile.

His eagerness was…flattering.

 _A younger man, huh?_ I thought as I navigated the trail. _Am I really that old now?_

It was an amusing idea.  I gazed at his youthful back, wiry shoulders and nimble legs skittering down the rocky trail.  I always thought he’d fall, but he never did.

And that was just like him, wasn’t it?

As for me…

_Perhaps I’ll be old enough to protect you properly, this time…_

My loves had never existed for long, but maybe this one could make it.  Maybe this one would be healthy, sprung from mutual attraction rather than mutual desperation.  Maybe I’d be mature enough to make it work.

For now, I was in the lucky spot of being second hiker, so I got to see Lupin flitter about while I kept my own cards close.  But then again, he liked being watched; liked communicating through “secret” body language notes he let slip For Your Eyes Only, so this display I was contemplating was probably a message he was fully aware of and quite enjoying sending me. 

And that was okay, wasn’t it?  Even if he was my boss, I could enjoy loving him, right?  So long as he was okay with it, too?

It could even bring us to be…partners.  Co-stars, of this adventure he was penning from his life.  I didn’t have to be the background guy forever; I could be a main part of the story.

_But…_

As that hope hit me, a familiar chill cast a shadow over my heart.  One that came every time the happiness lingered too long:

_You know it won’t last._

I liked the idea of love.  Of…affection, and tenderness.  Intimacy with someone, on every level.  But Lupin was acting like he didn’t know how to do that, wasn’t mature enough to keep it together without some serious guidance.  And even without his issues in the mix, love wasn’t something I would ever bet on sticking around in my life; in fact, I’d bet on it ending in tragedy.  

Even if I could manage to keep myself together somehow for the next however many years, we just didn’t live in a world where longterm happiness was possible.  There was the fact that we would be a pair of non-conforming men in a macho landscape, but more than that, the stress of the job would inevitably screw something up.  Maybe get one or the other of us killed or incapacitated—if not just sleeping with some convenient woman in a desperate bid to pass on our genes somewhere behind enemy lines.

And Lupin…

I paused with my hands in my pockets and gazed at him, skipping down the earthen path and humming to himself in the sunlight.

He was a happy personality.  It was part of why I was so attracted to him, in fact.  He was younger, freer; the idea guy and not the muscle.  We came from different worlds, he and I.

And I didn’t want Lupin, so cheerfully traipsing along ahead of me in life, to ever have to be the victim of the travesty that inevitably followed mine.

That, more than anything, was the responsibility I had to remember going forward.

If he was the divinity and I was the mortal in this play, I had to make sure not to taint him with the mud of my mortal tragedies.

 

When we got back, what remained of the day was spent separately.  Lupin happily disappeared into the cabin while I stayed by the lake.  I sat on the dock, quietly contemplating things until even the sunset had nearly passed.  Clouds eventually drifted in, moving me in and out of shadow as they made their way across the distant horizon.

_Jigen Daisuke…what are you doing?  Kissing your boss while you’re on the clock…for fuck’s sake._

The image of him leaning in and closing his eyes…

_This can only go one of two places—disaster for you, or disaster for both of you._

_Was it a trick?  Will it turn into a lynching as soon as my back’s turned?  As soon as I cross some line I can’t come back from, that gives him the proof he wants to shoot me right through the heart and end my career with?_

The smell of him; the feel of his heat every night on the couch…

_Is he just an idiot, who can’t see the consequences of this?_

His smile, his breathless gasp, as he pulled away from the kiss…

_Am I just the idiot…._

The light in his eyes as he beheld me…

_…because I know all that, and yet I still want it?_

I pulled down the brim of my hat and touched at the ache in my chest. 

_Why does my chest hurt so much when I think of you looking at me like that?_

God dammit, I really had it bad, didn’t I?

_Maybe I’m really not ready for this.  Maybe I should push him back next time?_

I ran my hands over my face and sighed, eventually resting my forehead on my knee.

_But I don’t want that._

The water beneath the dock splashed loudly, covering up my sigh.

_If I love you, how am I supposed to protect you?_

It would just bring disaster on our heads.  My judgement being clouded aside, it was not a kind world out there for people like us.

And Lupin liked women well enough, so it was surprising that he’d risk his place in the world for me. 

_Unless…_

_He isn’t_. 

I glanced up, at the reflection of orange pooling under the evening sky.  _Of course. Why didn’t I think of it before?_

Would this be it? When we left, would it be business as usual?  He’d go back to dating women, and this would just be what happened when he went “on vacation”?

I sighed, that feeling in my chest crushing something important down into an incredible ache.  I didn’t think…I could go through all that again.  Not with him.  Not this time.  In my younger days, I’d put up with it from people, because I didn’t know any better and didn’t really have a choice to complain.  But I knew better now.  I knew that wasn’t what I wanted.  What I _deserved._

Assuming people like me deserved anything, which was a doubt I harbored from time to time, too.

I gazed down, at the clouds turning the color of so many tropical fruits as they reflected in the water, itself so deep and glassy that the bottom could never be discerned from the surface.

 _Though…perhaps it’s just more of him thinking he’s invincible.  Which, he kind of is, so…_ _Maybe he’s offering me the shelter of that…?_

I wasn’t used to the idea of other people protecting _me._   But…

His pretty smile and innocent eyes as he tugged at the hem of my pants from the spring’s waters…

He had a strength to him.  A boldness, that’d left me a long, long time ago for extreme caution.  But he wasn’t a fool about it, either.  He knew how to test boundaries with surprising dexterity.  And he was…offering me the shelter of that?

_But why me?  What did I do to deserve all this?  He barely even knows me; we’ve been working together for maybe a year and hardly ever talk about our pasts._

I heard the tell-tale sound of footsteps in the grass behind me, clomping along with obvious idle. I quickly shoved my thoughts aside, hoping I could keep them locked up long enough to discuss whatever he wanted and not earn a reprimand.

“The sunset’s nice tonight, isn’t it?” Lupin trilled softly, coming to stand beside me and handing me a beer. 

“Mm,” I agreed curtly, taking the bottle as he settled in beside me on the old wood of the dock and generally trying not to inspect how touched I felt by the gesture. 

I hadn’t heard him come up save for the last few steps, though I’d heard the far-off cabin door close a bit ago—barely.  He was a sneaky one, even when he wasn’t trying.  It complimented my sniper skills nicely, which was part of why we worked so well together on jobs.  Still, I couldn’t help but wonder how long he’d been back there watching me.  Good thing I didn’t mull my thoughts out loud.

But indeed, as he’d mentioned, a beautiful sight stood before us as the world went into its nightly rest: the dark trees, far away at the edge of the lake, underscored an orange and red sky full of golden fishscale clouds.  A large flock of birds looking for their roost peppered the distant heavens, swooping in and out with mathematical precision.  The lake, too, reflected the waning rainbow of light, its placid surface lighting up like fire.

I checked the brand sweating beneath my fingertips—it was nicely chilled—and then quaffed down a swig as a bead of condensation ran down the label and over my thumb.  One of my favorites, imported.  Made me wonder when he’d stocked it here.

_You just think of everything, don’t you?_

_Or rather—_ plan _everything._

The air was a mountain’s summer-evening chill.  But Lupin’s knee, as he crossed his legs, was warm as it touched mine.  I could feel it even through the cloth of our respective denims.

And that made me think of something, as my eyes caught on the first few planets shining low in the sky:

That there was a certain magic to the warmth two people could share.  And we were certainly star-crossed almost-lovers, huddled together under that vast darkness up there.

Just two creatures with limited lifespans, living on a little marble in an otherwise quiet solar system, forever spinning through the cold that was eons of inexorable nothingness.

 _Maybe I’m the kink in your plans, huh?_ I thought as I raised the bottle to my lips.  _The mortal who sends that spice of the unexpected into the gods’ endlessly predictable world, however muddy that spice may be…_

After the space between us turned tense due to my lack of response, Lupin forced himself to smile and relax, making a point of leaning back.  He situated his own drink in the empty space between his acrobat’s legs, and for a long time, we just watched the sunset like that—feeling each other’s mood, lost in our respective thoughts—or maybe, in his case, just enjoying the company after so many years alone.

 _Enjoying the company._ How long had it been since I’d done that?  But that’s what this feeling of contentment was, that came over me every time I was next to him for even a few minutes, wasn’t it?  In a car, on a lake, on a plane…. And it was easy, too.  If I just let myself accept it.

No doubt, that was the message his skyward gaze was trying to send me now.

_How dangerous you are, Lupin the Third…_

“Did you enjoy the hike?” he asked idly.

_You and this Siren’s song of yours...._

The feeling of that kiss on the mountaintop fluttered across my lips again, all of its own accord.  Then the subsequent smooches, and an image of his happy, footloose self, practically dancing through the sun…

_Do I really…make you that happy?  This incredible person you are?_

“Jigen?”

I pulled my hat down and very carefully schooled my face.

“I did.”

_Why do I fall for it every time?_

“I’m glad.”

I forced my jaw to unclench.

“…And you?”

“Oh, very much.” 

There was a pause, wherein cautious grins scrawled across both of our faces—and we each watched it happen to the other.

And this time, there were no dark glints; no wry glances; no cold pullbacks.  Just a sheepish shrug of the shoulders from Lupin, and a small reddening of my cheeks as I took a breath, preparing to accept this night he was trying to show me, wherever it went.

“Whaddo you want to do for dinner?” he continued after a while, his hand coming to rest on mine.  I looked at it from under the brim of my hat, and then, with a sigh, forced myself to relax.  Forced myself to let him have that connection, and admit that that was okay.  I tilted my head back, opened my legs a little, and continued to watch the oncoming stars.

“Anything’s fine.”

There was a pause, in which I was sure Lupin was eyeing me and his hand in turn.  And then, sure enough, his nervous energy took over his body and made its move:

He swiveled on his hips, hands outstretched in a yawn, and by the end of his feet kicking out, his head had landed in my lap.  There, as he came to a comfortable rest with my thigh as his pillow, he gazed up at me, hands folded on his chest. 

Lupin’s dark eyes were bright and hopeful, a little playful even, as they considered me.  And when I favored them with my own soft gaze, they slowly turned fond.

Around us, the water of the lake was quiet; the wind nothing more than a gentle ripple, and the concerns of the oncoming night a distant fantasy.

Of its own accord, my hand settled over his scalp protectively, thumb slowly but repeatedly petting the soft strands of hair there.  Beneath me, Lupin closed his eyes with a hum, a sweet smile on his face. It was going to be cold soon—too cold for him to be out here in just a T-shirt and jeans.  But I could probably keep him warm for a little longer yet.

When his eyes opened again, they held a musing glitter.  One that sent a shiver of expectation up my spine in the twilight, as the last glints of golden light skimmed their surface.

Without a word, he reached upward, his graceful hands unfolding like ferns.  I bent down to facilitate, and then his fingers were resting lightly around the back of my head, intertwined in my hair.

I couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched me like that.  “Lovers” had touched me there, sure—but not like this; always with aggression and displays of dominance, hands twisting my hair like a rope.  But _this_ … This gentility of touch, fingers threaded through my hair like some soft knitted sweater, was something new to me entirely.

“Jigen,” Lupin whispered, eyes turning soft and smile growing mousey as he gazed up at me—and no doubt the view of the stars shining brightly above my head. “Kiss me, and then you can have _me_ for dinner.”

I chuckled, the hand stroking his head deepening its touch. “You watch too many movies,” I purred after a time of watching those devastatingly tricky eyes flicker back and forth, examining me and my intent.

“You know the funny thing about American movies?” Lupin asked, grinning toothily as he tugged at my hair.  He bit down his smile into a smirk, and the glitter in his eyes turned fond.  “A lot of them have ‘happy endings.’”

I chuckled reflexively, biting down my own smile as I started leaning toward him with a welcoming rumble.  “Is that so?”

“Mm-hmm…~”

Lupin’s hands curled, tenderly pulling through my hair until he held the base of my neck.  He urged me down like that, while simultaneously pulling himself up.

“And what of the _French_ ones?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his back and bringing him to sit in my lap.

Lupin took a moment to situate himself in my lap; under my hands, I felt a short shiver go up his sides.  From his new vantage point, he looked me up and down, a tick of a complicated smile crossing his face.  He let out a nervous breath, still looking me over, and then, suddenly remembering where he was, his starlit eyes gazed into mine with a proud, gentle smile.

And then, pulling me forward by the lapels, he pressed his lips into mine.

“French movies are all about the people that make life worth living.”

With his legs hooked over mine, our lips connected. Long and slow and heavy between the wanderings of hungry hands, our lips painted over each other until the stars had risen high and all the color had bled from the sky.

And through it all, he was careful not to disturb my hat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #TitleDrop #Cough


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently today, Feb 15, is International Fanworks Day. Who knew?
> 
> Just a short chapter to get the flame of sexy stuff ignited...

It wasn’t long before Lupin’s mouth had wandered somewhere other than mine.  His hungry kisses, complete with insistently wandering tongue, broke away to trail down my neck and onto my collarbone, accompanied all the while by desperately quiet breaths.  His lips were thin and cracked and dry, but hot against the sky-dark chill, eager to taste every inch they could get. 

Soon, in the midst of this masterful distraction, his long, deft fingers were plucking apart my shirt buttons, picking the fabric open without even so much as a questioning glance. 

There were some perks to dating a con artist, I decided as I stared up at the stars with fluttering breath, now fully couched in the black of endless void.  I held the back of his head while his attention wandered southward, then gripped at the base of his neck as he pushed me back—until I was forced to break away from his skin altogether to lean on my elbows, my legs splayed apart.  He shifted his weight forward onto his knees, legs threaded over one of mine, and God, did he ever look powerful like that. Less like the wolves he was named after and more like a panther, sleek and dark and ready to devour with powerful jaws to hold his prey down.

But when our eyes locked in the rising moonlight, I caught the edges of a shy grin on his face—until he planted a hand on my chest and pushed me backward.

My back hit the dock, cold lacing me up just as Lupin’s hand stroked over my jeans.  Light at first, and then harder—stroking in time with my waves of breath.  His other hand gripped my shoulder, his weight asking me to stay down.  Which I wasn’t totally opposed to, but…

“Lupin,” I called, a little breathlessly, as the stars danced and twinkled above.  I groaned and closed my eyes as his hand worked—that hand that didn’t disappoint, given all the delicate maneuvers it was trained to do all day long—but as the telltale jingle of my belt unlatching hit the air, I pushed a hand into his hair, forcing him back.  “Lupin, someone will see.”

“No one will see.  No one’s here.”

_God will see…_

“’Cept for God if you believe in that I guess,” he went on, with an accuracy that took me aback for a second.  He came forward on his hands and knees with a noticeable breath.  “But if he really lives on a cloud and can’t see into people’s houses, then I think he’d get bored. Might as well give ‘im a good show, eh? The ancient ones sure were randy enough.”

Lupin stroked the length of my shaft while he spoke, the other sliding up and down my-now bare stomach reassuringly.  The two points of warmth against the cold were enough to make my mind melt; sending my thoughts out of my mouth in hisses and sighs.  I had a retort, but it evaporated along with my breath, and I ended up merely gripping the planks beneath me, breathing hard as I stared at the sky.

 _Lupin…_ with his hands all over me.  I’d wanted this for so long.  Dreamed about it in darkness and in daylight.  With him next to me, and with him nowhere near me; in fits of fleeting amusement and desperate passion both.

And now here he was, having pushed me onto my back. Hovering over me out on the dock of his private resort, as his hands plyed apart my belt.

So this was how it was going to go…?

“And anyway, it’s really dark and I turned the motion sensors off.”

Was this how I wanted it? 

…Should I even have been thinking about that right now?

The heel of Lupin’s palm twisted over the ridge at the head of my cock just then, finally finding the exact spot through the thick denim.  Images and questions drifted away in a shuddering hiss.  I lifted my hips, jaw tightening, and tipped my head back toward the inky sky.

He pushed the heel of his palm down against the force, calmly letting me grind.  “Breathe, Jigen.  I’m more than happy to give you what you want.  Just take your time.”

“I mean, thank you, but—” As I spoke, he managed to get my fly unzipped even in the dark, and the cold that suddenly latched onto me was replaced by the warmth of his hand sliding down my skin.  I groaned luxuriously at the electric feel of skin-to-skin contact with a foreign body, one that I’d so often daydreamed about no less, and then hissed as he finally squeezed the hardening shaft.  “But…Goddamn… There’s a time and a place, Lupin…!”

Our eyes met.  For a moment, my boss held my gaze—my heat and frustration met with his cool calculation.  He waited for me to object further, dared me to, just like always when we argued, but when I did nothing—when I pulled back the force of my complaint and pushed up into his hand reflexively—he smirked.

He knew that if I wanted to, I’d just punch him and throw him off; and _I_ knew that he wouldn’t press it if I did.  We both knew exactly what the look in my eyes and my groan of exasperated acceptance meant as I tipped my head back toward the stars once more.

Just as soon as he’d won the battle, Lupin rolled his head on his shoulders and descended out of my view with a chuckle. 

A moment later came the shock of wet heat and sheer bliss as his mouth descended over my erection.

And it felt _good_.

I was ragingly hard with my fly open, on my back with my legs tented, in the wilderness where anyone could see.  I would normally be appalled at my lack of professionalism.  And to an extent, I was.  But he was right that we were alone and there was no reason to expect any watchers.  And weirdly enough, I was also remarkably excited—although the feelings were all jumbled up, no thanks to Lupin’s ploughing. 

Still, I couldn’t deny the fact that there was currently a very attractive young man with his mouth around my dick; I wasn’t about to stop him.  In fact, it took everything I had not to shove up into him and choke him—which Lupin would have deserved, at this point.  Still, breath ragged, I grabbed his head with both hands, raking over my boss’s short hair just for friction and heat and a sense of control.

He didn’t seem to mind it.  In fact, he simply hummed, hooking his arms around my hips and getting his throat all the way down my cock after a few short, introductory swipes.  And then, each time he came back up, he sucked— _hard_.  On the downstroke, his chin pressured my balls; on the way back up, his tongue suctioned tightly, as deeply as it could while still maintaining a rhythm.

And _fuck,_ it was good.  Apparently he’d done this before.  Maybe I didn’t need to worry about that as much as I’d thought.

I _was_ going to have a very unfortunate case of blue balls if I pulled him off me and had to walk to the house like this any time soon, though.  On the other hand, if I let him keep going, I was very possibly going to pump his mouth until I came with a shout in the dark, for any man or animal that happened to be walking by to witness.

Which was something I had most definitely not been prepared to do at the beginning of the day, but which Lupin didn’t appear to be minding.  He was probably right that most errant wanderers would just keep passing by.

But then again, those thoughts weren’t capable of fully forming in my brain.  They stopped at how good he felt.  How much my hormones raged at the idea of _him,_ _down there_ , pretty, intelligent face attentively sucking me off.  And how delightful and dizzying the stars were to look at, as I guided his head to a quick rhythm.

For his part, Lupin really didn’t seem to mind it.  In fact, he was now bobbing his head like he got paid to do it, one hand braced on the ground and the other on my shaft.  His grip twisted as his mouth rose and fell; his thumb pressed against the undervein if just to make me curse more often.  He made slick gulping noises, moaned here and there, but otherwise didn’t say a damn thing.

“Fuck, Lupin.  How the hell are you doing that,” I managed, glancing down at him.  It was an awkward angle though, so it didn’t last long; and there wasn’t much that I could see anyway, beyond his slim, silvery outline and the shine of stars around it.

Eventually, in this sea of swelling pleasure, his hand left my side and braced on top of my hip, asking me to pause.  I settled back into the wood of the dock after a particularly long and indulgent thrust that went noticeably far down his throat; at its end, Lupin pulled off of me with a thick popping sound and a desperate heave. 

My hands fell away from his hair but came to rest on his shoulders lovingly as he braced himself on either side of my hips. My dick would be shriveled and frigid as soon as the spit coating cooled, but for the moment, I was far hotter than I needed to be and watching my boss’s slim shoulders shudder for strength under my hands, his head downcast, was quite more than enough to keep my blood flowing.

From that position, Lupin wiped at his mouth and gasped for air—until he laughed.  “God, that was fun.  Shit, you really know how to work a guy’s mouth.”

He gave me one of his genuinely happy, pearly-toothed smiles.  I blushed at that, not sure what to admit, but quickly decided what I’d do about it to buy myself time nonetheless: I pulled him down onto me, slick messes and all.  It would keep my exposed parts warm, and keep him as close as possible in case he decided to get skittish on me again. 

Luckily, my fears were not to be realized; he accepted the request readily, laying down on my front with his cheek on my collarbone and his legs resting between mine. 

He was a weight, but not much of one.  Enough to feel all fluttery and content while holding but not enough to be uncomfortable over time.  As I struggled to get ahold of my emotions—and a need to wiggle around on him—I stared at the sky, arms wrapped around him.

_My boss…_

_My…lover?_

Around us, the quiet noise of the water lapping at the dock susurrated evenly, and far off, some sort of nocturnal fish broke through the surface of the water, only to slip back down again.  In the hush, one hand of mine threaded up into Lupin’s hair while my other arm reached all the way around his shoulders.  I could feel his heartbeat pulsing against mine, the expansion of his body as he sucked in air.  And it was wonderful. 

 _“I’m more than happy to give you what you want”_ —he’d really said that, hadn’t he?  I hadn’t just imagined that.  Or any of what had just happened.

So I hadn’t been wrong.  I really hadn’t.  He’d been gunning for me for a while.  He’d just been…scared to commit?  Needed permission?

I got a little harder at that, a pulse, and dizziness hit my head at what it all meant.  Suddenly even more aware of his weight, I squeezed him affectionately. 

Against my side, Lupin’s hand clutched into my crumpled clothing.  It was a response—an acknowledgement, and a statement that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Well, that was…unexpected,” I muttered in an attempt to clear my head, rubbing a hand down his back just for something to do to get the jitters out.  “You coulda asked first.  What possessed you to do that right here?”

“I’ve wanted you for quite a while, Jigen,” he stated easily, only to suddenly tense afterward.  “Well, I mean…?”

His heartbeat kicked up a notch.  But I continued to run that soothing hand down his back, and after a bit, he relaxed a little.  “It’s okay,” I offered back. “I’m not going to judge you.” 

He sighed audibly.  Apparently it was easier for him to admit things when I wasn’t looking directly at him.  I couldn’t blame him; I remembered being that way, once.  Especially with the people I’d had a crush on or looked up to. 

“I guess…,” he admitted quietly, “I just wanted to be brave like you.”

Wait…he…?  Looked up to me?  Or at least respected something about me?

I glanced down at him, but all I saw was black hair and stars and the tree line.  “You’re brave too?”

If so, that was a new one.  At least from the people who wrote my checks.

“I mean with kissing you,” he muttered. He didn’t look at me. 

“Oh.”  A sloppy chuckle burbled out of me, sending my head spinning a bit again.  I sighed and tried to get some cold air into my lungs to even it out, even as I patted his back.  “Was it a good kiss?  You liked it?”

I wasn’t sure why I was asking.  I knew he clearly had, and I hated when other people fished for compliments.  But maybe just because we hadn’t talked about any of this yet, I wanted something—anything—to hold onto.

“…Very good kiss,” he mumbled into my rumpled shirt.  “Not like girls’ kisses.”

“Hah! No, they’re not like that, that’s for sure.” I hugged him tightly with a delighted laugh and wiggled my hips into him out of reflex.  He ground back a moment later, hitting just the right spot with a low groan.

Every time I noticed him being cute and shy, he’d come back at me with obvious experience.  It was just as flattering— _challenging_ —as it was disconcerting.  Maybe he was kind of…mid-level experience with this, then?  Or maybe it was just his experience with women showing through? “Your technique takes some liberties, my friend,” I offered to him.  “But…ah, don’t get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful.”

I heard Lupin smile at that.  “‘Friend,’ huh…?”

It was my turn to tense.

_Friend…_

When was the last time I’d called him that in my own mind and truly meant it, through and through?

This might have been the first time. And yet it felt so…light.  So…freeing.

So… _right_.

Because I didn’t want him to be just my boss, or my lover.  I wanted him to be my friend, first and foremost. 

Even if I realized that only now.

Outside of my epiphany, Lupin continued to breathe hard against my chest; his whole body rose and fell as mine did.  Which, along with the cold and my thoughts, just made me want to snug him tighter.

Maybe what mattered wasn’t how much experience he had, or how much I could guide him, but how much we trusted each other with our insecurities; how much we could lean on each other to get through them.  If we made a point of talking things through from here on out, maybe we could make it—and without too much strife, even.

Dating a mature adult that just wanted mature things…that’d be a new one for me.  But a wonderful new thing.

As my heart swelled at the idea, I hummed and stroked his back, and Lupin, for a while, was content with that—until he nipped at my skin.  “What are you thinking about?”

“I…”  There were so many possible answers, and I wasn’t sure which one would be the best to start with.  I couldn’t admit a nesting instinct was flaring up inside me, and certainly not as a bodyguard.  So I simply asked the first thing that popped into my mind:

“Did you do all that without breathing?”

…Even if it was a dumb thing.

“What?  Hahhh…no.  Just not… _enough_.  Hehh.”

“Hoh…I see.  Haah….hehh.”

Lupin’s response was to love-bite my collar bone.  “More,” he muttered.  “I want more.”

“Good God you little minx,” I replied, rubbing at his shoulders briskly.  “Well you can have it, if you can get me to the house with any blood left in my dick.  The reason I didn’t want to do this out here was…”

Against my thigh, Lupin’s own erection was startlingly hard.  Or perhaps, _flatteringly_ so.

“Because it’s cold?” he muttered into my skin.

“Because it’s cold,” I agreed.  “How would you like it if I just suddenly bared your balls to this weather?”

I rubbed a meaty hand over his closest butt cheek, and then, taking the chance, playfully smacked it.  He yelped, but then wiggled and chuckled deviously.

“I mean, for you?” he giggled back.  “I’d do it, my dear big-bad bodyguard.”

“You are a dangerous one, little twerp of a _boss_ ,” I muttered.  “Here, move a little.” 

Carefully, I navigated my hand between us and made a cursory attempt to zip up my fly without catching anything.  I left the belt undone; by the time I had finished, Lupin had rolled beside me, gazing up at the stars.  He was star-fished on the dock—smiling, I thought, given what I could see in the moonlight.

A happy lover by a moonlight lake…

As I stood up, I shook my head, a little too smitten to think.  All it was missing was us being in a canoe. 

Truth be told, I hadn’t had fantasies like this since I was a teenager, when my heart was still unbroken by the cruel realities of the world.  And yet, they felt so easy to fall back into, when it was his hands I was putting my heart into.

As I stood over him, Lupin turned his head and smiled at me pleasantly.  At least, as far as I could tell in the dark.

“Did you plan all this?” I asked, reaching out a hand to help him up.

“What?  Head out by the lake?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean not today specifically but I was hoping for it eventually…” He reached out too, slapping his palm into mine.  “Though the details all depended on what you liked.”

His hand closed around mine with purpose.  I yanked him up—and then over my shoulder.  He yelped and kicked, but I wasn’t about to let him (or that ass of his) go.  I playfully drummed my fingers over it as I went, carefully—and uncomfortably—making my way back to the house with my prize.  He was pretty light, so it didn’t take much work; it was just my lower parts that chafed and stretched as they lost their protective hard coating.

“Well I’ll be more than happy to show you some other things I like,” I stated.  “Ones I’ve been dreaming about ever since we got here.”

“Heeheehee.  Oh good,” Lupin replied, this time using his acrobatic skill to slide down into my arms in a bridal carry—where he gazed up at me, his arms around my neck.  When I smiled down at him, he kicked out his legs.  “This cabin was made for fulfilling dreams, after all.” 

Lupin pulled himself up briefly, to capture a warm kiss on my cheek.  “As was I… _my friend_."


End file.
